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Campaign of Cthulhu!

Campaign of Cthulhu!

Posted by Victoria Reinertsdatter on 23rd Sep 2016

Before I get into this, please understand that this piece is satire based on fictional work by HP Lovecraft and not intended to be taken seriously. I did have several people asking me about my predictions going forward, and I am working on that piece. It’s just a very, very involved piece with a lot of research and it’s going to be a huge post. By taken seriously, I mean that there are no political opinions of mine reflected here or on the part of Astrologic Answers. Of course, I also don’t wanna see anybody raising the Elder God, either, I’m just not sure I know anyone who can. - Victoria

Most of us have seen this meme going around or similar:

Before I begin, because many astrologers have asked me: I used a number of different dates and places in HP Lovecraft’s life and publication data to rectify this chart. (And a few other details I won’t divulge. Come on, fellas, step up! You can do it.) For those who don’t know what rectification is, I explain this in our exploration of Clinton’s Chart. I would also like to not-so-humbly and in true Leo-Moon fashion point out how spot on my predictions were. There!

For those who aren’t familiar- Cthulhu is a fictional character created by author H.P. Lovecraft. His first appearance was in a magazine called Weird Tales, in 1928. The short story, called The Call of Cthulhu depicted the character as being this huge, ancient entity that cults worshiped. He is part man, part dragon, and part octopus, hundreds of feet tall and has wings. Lovecraft actually created the character sometime in 1926- and it is said that to even look upon his visage drives people insane. In the short story, Lovecraft describes him as being:

A monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind.

All that out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

(Translation: In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. )

While everyone has been at each other's throats over a variety of issues, causes, and concerns, a third candidate has emerged, and it isn’t Gary Johnson or Jill Stein.

Meet the Dread Lord Cthulhu, ruler of the sunken city of R’lyeh (located near Antarctica in the South Pacific at 47° 9′ S, 126° 43′ W), a being that makes our worst nightmares piss themselves in horror. Obviously, he’s not an American citizen, and that does not matter. He does not have a birth certificate, and that does not matter. Nothing matters anymore- and well, given the way things are going, it is emphasized more and more, with every new political scandal.

Since any who have witnessed the horrific sight of Cthulhu, much less surmised any of his policies or motives, have been immediately driven insane, there are no reliable accounts of what we can expect from this candidate. It is rumored that even Godzilla himself has picked up his toys and went home. From we gather from all conflicting accounts, trying to nail him down to any platform or physical appearance is about like trying to make oatmeal cry.

Given the current political climate, it is clear that the Elder God has truly emerged- the insanity we are seeing is symptomatic of his rise.

So as the stars have apparently aligned to unleash this eldrich horror upon the earth, it is the stars we must turn to so we can try to comprehend this candidate and his platform, not that any of it matters. So, looking at his natal chart…

I risked much to do this for you, and I fear, my own sanity has taken a dip in the process. Or perhaps, it was never quite right to begin with... depends on who you ask, I suppose.


According to HIS North Node placement in 1st House Gemini (no wonder we can’t really nail down HIS appearance), HIS South Node is in 7th House Sagittarius. Meaning that HE has a very set, and very BIG idea of how things are going to be, and HE’s here to express that. Awakening from HIS tomb in R’lyeh is implied here, too, but that has already happened. That’s just the beginning. Of The End...that’s what it is, right?

Until HIS rising, Lord Cthulhu had only one way of communicating with anyone. His 3rd House is empty and in Cancer, which suggests that while he was sleeping beneath the sea, he communicated to us through our dreams. More often than not, we were too disturbed by these dreams to remember them. It is currently possible that he may communicate telepathically, but again, that is according to the ravings of those driven insane by his gibbering mass. Now that he is released, the point is moot...the results of his actions, the destruction and insanity in his wake, say it all.

It really does explain so much about the current political climate in the United States, does it not?

His platform is a complex of aspects that clearly spells out the end of the Human Race. And maybe the Universe... we can’t be entirely sure of that since the stars and planets don’t predict their own destruction. What I can say is that HIS North Node is opposite 7th House Saturn in Sagittarius – total domination of everyone around HIM. It’s also quincunx, or alien to, Mars and Venus conjunct in Capricorn – all the men and women of Earth. Mars and Venus’ placement in the 8th House make the results of that clear: It is the House of Death. We will all die en masse.
There is but one slim, and somewhat hollow bit of hope for any of us. Mars is semisextile HIS Sun, Part of Fortune, and Midheaven. The best that any of us can do is to go to Lord Cthulhu and kjgpjhl gcjox hope to get there before anyone else, just so that we can die before seeing the ones we know and love die before we do.

Saturn is also square 10th House Mercury in Pisces, which is conjunct HIS Sun in 10th House Aquarius and trine his 2nd House Pluto in Cancer.

More... insanity... destruction of all we know... I can’t... go on…but I must...warn...you all…

The 2nd House Pluto in Cancer is the “how” of his plan. His assets are sheer, raw...naked...PRIMAL...POWER from the depths of the sea. It is opposite Mars and Venus in 8th House Capricorn. He will slash all military spending to nothing, as all of our armies will fall against him. He will balance the global economy to zero by completely destroying our cities, our countries, our lives. He will solve racism, sexism, transphobia, class warfare, starvation and overpopulation by the complete eradication of the human race. The environment... well, that won’t be our problem anymore. Our contribution to that will have effectively ground to a complete stop.

Make no mistake... the Dread Lord Cthulhu and his plan are unstoppable. In the 10th House of his career, his Sun is conjunct his Part of Fortune in Aquarius. It will be the end of our social order. Of our existence. Well, I suppose that’s one way to deal with the issues we face, isn’t it?